its been 6wks today that my world was shattered. It was two wks ago, today, that I brought home the Queen’s ashes, & it was 2yrs ago today (thanks FB.... Thanks🖕🏽) that we did our 1st show.
So of course (again thanks FB🖕🏽🖕🏽) there were pics, videos, which led to watching videos of us during the last 6mths of our life.... which then led into more pics, videos, & tears.
6wks. Its amazing how everything has changed. Not just for me, but for like my close family here as well. In 6 wks, my world crashed, mom moved WonderPony to the base barn here at Lackland (Which totally get. Way closer, and shes able to see him everyday), WSF (my SA home farm) was sold, & Boss (My trainer here in SA), is also deciding what is next for him.
Also it seems; (SHOCKer... one day i will learn) that the people that I thought were my friends here, are not. Which BTW... again.... be HONEST.... if I dont like someone they know.... its a fricking lighthouse billboard with runway lights.... I respect myself and fellow humans enough to be honest. Also i find myself seeing what is about to pass for one the people i thought were my friend and part of me wants to grab them and just say WTF!? You cant be this tarded to not see what is happening & how screwed youre about to be. At the same time, 🤷🏻♀️ Not my circus, not my monkeys. And Boss.... I have no idea how to help or what to say....(again big stick) even my “Buddha belly” which is always with me & never wrong is just absent.
6wks. Thats all that has passed, & yet it seems like a lifetime, or a movie that Im watching. I just got NOtHING.
Anyone else ever feel like this? Its like im stuck, yet still moving with no directions or guidance.
Im just Reflecting on what was, what i had, what i could have done or been, & yet again logically I know this is grieving; it comes, it goes, and i know i will grow, but i find myself tonight just looking at the reflection.